REAL STORIES

Age: 40
Gender: female

Meth, better known as 'crank' to me back in 1997 took me by surprise. At age 24 I found myself single again and in the dating --bar scene. I drank..smoked the occasional joint, but I said I would never touch chemically made drugs. What do I say to this now? NEVER say NEVER! From age 24 to 27 that is all I did..party and drink but I started seeing a guy that came by my place one day early '97 and said...\"I brought you a present\". I didn't know how that day would change the rest of my life..... he took out a pink looking rock out of a baggy..very hard and about 1/2\" thick and the size of a penny. NOW if your familiar with meth, that's alot! IT was so hard we had to literally cut lines off of it with a sharp knife or razor blade. I was scared. He said..\"oh go ahead and try it, it won't hurt you..you'll love it\"!! Ya know what? I DID!! For days I had friends over that were coming out of the woodwork and that rock lasted a while due to us being all rookies and the scene being new to us! I was up..no sleep no food, but tons and tons of energy, it was unlike any thing I had ever felt before!!! I was losing even more weight, and already in a size 6!!! I was happy or so I thought...meth use got me some dead beat friends..and I realize now how much of a deadbeat boyfriend I had at the time too! Off and on for three hard years I dabbled in meth, pot, crack cocaine and soft cocaine. Drank very heavily and got hooked on sedatives to take the edge off. I would smoke crack and tweak out and purchase meth to 'level' out. When I would run out of meth..I would level out on xanax and alcohol. This was a never ending cycle and led me to need prescription anti depressants and ant-anxiety meds. I was so thin, staying sick from malnutrition depressed when I wouldn't strung out...isolating myself from everyone who wouldn't doing drugs with me. Seeing things that wouldn't there..hearing voices and music that was not playin, yes it was all in my head!! up for days with no sleep then add pain pills, alcohol and it equals hallucinations. So many close suicide calls that no one but me and God know about! I found myself dating all sorts of losers to get meth and crack...I found myself in crack towns in the car with dealers with guns tucked in their pants threatening me if I didn't come back with their money. I didn't care! I just wanted what they had...DRUGS! I would come down, dry out and tell my loser friends to leave me alone, I was through with drugs, but with just one knock on the door, opening it up to see them standing there with it...waving a baggy in my face...I was putty in their hands. Crank bugs---just in case you have never heard of them, let me explain. 3, 4, maybe more days into a meth / crack trip and I'm literally seeing tiny bugs underneath my skin on my legs. I get the tweezers and start digging them out. I pass out from exhaustion only to wake up and find myself covered in blood. Then I had to find a way to cover the sores until they went away. Not only on my legs, but on my face as well! This drug stole years from my life..years of being a good mother to my now 19 yr old child. I was a mess...no real friends and I had my parents fooled at the start, but eventually they knew something was going on but never knew until I confessed to them after I was clean. Somehow by the help of my mom (her being clueless about my addiction ), child support and some income from property I owned-- I had an money to always have a place to live and to provide for my child when he was with me. My drug trip were 80% of the times my child was with the father unless it was meth, seeing as how I could sometimes function enough that a 7/8 yr old couldn't tell. But nights I would tweak and get so scared--I would call my ex husband to come pick up our child, afraid I couldn't take proper care of him..faking sick to the ex so he wouldn't suspect anything. Many nights I would just crawl in the bed with my child and I found comfort in laying next to him, watching him sleep, listening to him breathe...knowing I was making wrong choices---wondering how I could stop. I somehow survived the whole 3 1/2 yr ordeal financially and physically. I went hard the summer of 1999. NONE like I ever went before --spent thousands of dollars and stole, had sex to get meth and crack---to this day I'm so ashamed. A lot of my story I'm leaving out, this is only a fraction of what happened in that three years of addiction. I snorted, and smoked but I never used a needle---although I do think if I hadn't of stopped, it would've came later.

I was worried...worried that God was pissed at me--thinkin He wouldn't understand or forgive me. After I had \"had enough\" I prayed for God to free me of this prisoner called meth...the crack wasn't in my budget as much and it didn't have a hold on me like meth did, so that habit was easier to kick. I am here today because God had a purpose for me, He has forgiven me. I prayed so hard to be free of the bad people in my life and meth and with His strength, I gave it up and He sent me my soul mate. A man who had never touched drugs and would not stand for me to. The type who wouldn't 'feed' my habit or be an enabler. MY Future husband he was... although until I knew he was the one, I had the occasional bought with meth, but I didn't let it pull me back down that same road as before. We were married less than a year of our meeting. We have a child of our own and I've been clean for 10 plus years! God even took out the bad friends one by one, even the ones who said they were clean but lied...as an addict I knew when they were lying. I could not have them in my life-- Somehow they drifted away thanks to God, He was protecting me and He still is.

I think about drugs...but instead of wanting them, I want to vomit. I can't believe I took that road----the road I said I would NEVER take!! Folks, there are dentist, dr's, nurses, lawyers, teachers ...all kinds out there that have or have had drug addictions. DON'T ever say that won't be you, because just 'ONCE' is all it takes to get HOOKED! You'll be lookin for enough to get you through the next day..then the next, after that you won't sleep, you won't eat and when you finally crash and wake up--the first bite of food you do put in your mouth, you'll throw it up because your stomach by then will be so messed up! You are so weak and the only way to feel like you can overcome it is to buy more meth to keep going. NO one wins in the end that has a meth habit. The devil's candy I call it. It's an evil thing!! You are not the only one who is affected....everyone around you suffers too! I hid it well, and my friends supported me due to the fact they were on it too...

That ONE day..out of the blue...I DECIDED TO STOP---ME, YES ME! NO one else tried to stop me --but ME! And with God's help, He shows me today--my purpose for living,...I'm a wife, mother of two, a daughter, a friend-- a child of God.

If you have a meth addiction..PLEASE get help! There are so many out there that are willing to help you if you just reach out! IT's a battle that is sometimes lost because a person can't be strong enough to get help or to seek God's love and support. So many kids are left without parents due to this poison! THERE is NO excuse for drug use..NONE. NOT In any way ---can it be justified!!!

THERE IS LIFE AFTER METH---It's up to you to find it!

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